"I inherited some of the passion and I am outspoken, but regretfully, not the same degree of tact"
I was working full time for the OU and visiting a food plant in Buffalo, New York, on behalf of OU kashrus when I got a call from my father saying, “Mazel tov, they just voted you in as assistant rabbi.” Before that, I was the rav of a shul in Staten Island, New York, and before that in Twin Rivers, New Jersey. I was my father’s assistant rabbi from 1991 to 2011, and was elected full-time rabbi when he retired.
How to be my own person while keeping my father’s kavod in mind at all times. It was my father’s preference that I succeed him, yet it was still difficult at times that the shul was no longer his. I remember calling Rabbi Ilan Feldman, who was in the same position, for suggestions, and he told me I cannot just be an extension of my father — I had to have my own hashkafos and make my own decisions while always maintaining respect.
I realized that for the most part, it would not be respectful nor wise of me to change my father’s customs, so I kept intact what he instituted aside for a few minor procedures: the nusach for the tefillah for Medinas Yisrael, davening on summer Fridays at 7 p.m., which is sometimes a conflict between plag and shkiyah, certain minhagim regarding the way hoshanos are done. Actually, my father told me to be my own person and make the changes I wanted. When he was the rav, the shul said Tehillim every day for Eretz Yisrael. I felt this had become too routine, so I decided we would say Tehillim when Eretz Yisrael was in crisis. “What are you doing?” my father asked — he was very surprised. “You told me to be independent,” I said, and I explained my reasoning. “Yes, but not that!”
That a rabbi has to be unfailingly discreet. A young person once asked me a sh’eilah, which I answered seriously. I later mentioned to someone else that I couldn’t believe I’d gotten such a question. Of course I didn’t reveal the name of the person who asked, but the person I mentioned it to was friends with the one who had asked the sh’eilah and unknowingly repeated my comment at their Shabbos table. It was very embarrassing, although thankfully it did not ruin our relationship.
Create a free account to keep reading.
