"I was shocked to hear anyone in 2021 defend smoking, drinking, and vaping."
Last week, a letter writer shared her support of Rabbi Shafier’s assertion that a wife’s involvement in appearances is not the serious flaw her husband thought it was.
She correctly points out that young ladies are taught that looking good is part of their responsibility in marriage. However, most husbands will have no idea if their wives are wearing this season’s colors or last, or if their sheitels are the current style or not. To claim that the many hours spent shopping and dressing up are l’sheim Shamayim, for the husband’s benefit, is really stretching the limit of credulity.
I can also say with 100 percent certainty that the wife is not safeguarding the sanctity of her marriage by expending effort to match her daughters’ socks and headbands.
The letter writer also asserts that by spending time on their appearance, young wives of bnei Torah ensure that teenagers see tzniyus in a positive, respectable light. I actually think that linking tzniyus with a specific, highly polished look is a terrible disservice we do for our girls. It emphasizes that a girl’s appearance is the most important measure of her avodas Hashem, and that the in-town, Bais Yaakov “look,” which tends to be expensive and quite dressy by the standards of the world at large, is the only one that embodies tzniyus. By harping on the right “look,” we teach our girls that they will be judged by their externals, and that’s where they should put their focus.
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