True friendship is not measured by oversized helium balloons, outrageously expensive sets of china, and expensive wedding shtick
Kudos to the girl who wrote the Words Unspoken to her engaged friend. She so clearly depicted the struggle experienced by many single women, who are expected to spend large sums of money as each of their friends get married. This is a problem that we have created. There should be no expectations of anyone to do anything. Obviously, friends of the kallah want to celebrate with her, but no one should feel forced to do things that they don’t have the time, money, or emotional energy for.
To all the girls out there who are just starting shidduchim: Don’t set an unattainable standard! When your first friend gets engaged, it’s very exciting, fresh, and new. You will have a lot of energy, excitement, time, and most probably some money to decorate, prepare, arrange, and pay. By the time you get to the seventh, eighth, tenth in one year, the dwindling number of single friends begin to feel tired and resentful, bound to unrealistic expectations that are now set in stone.
Whatever you do for your first friend will set a standard for what is expected for the rest of your group. If you give the first friend an expensive vort gift, spend hundreds of dollars on a shower, and arrange expensive shtick, you will be expected to do that for each one of your friends when she gets engaged. And as more of your friends get married, the less “extra” money they’ll have to contribute to expensive gifts, and the single friends will end up picking up the tab.
Get together with your friends now, before any of you are engaged, and decide that, no, you will not feel pressured to spend hundreds of dollars for each other’s simchahs. There are ways to make showers that are beautiful and in good taste, practical gifts that are meaningful and well-priced, and cute wedding shtick that will be mesameiach the kallah, all without breaking the bank. By doing this, you ensure that you and/or your single friends won’t feel pressured and resentful down the line.
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