The Girl That Was: Chapter 7 

On my first day back to school after Mommy died, I woke up with a feeling of dread. My thoughts were racing.

Young people shouldn’t die. Ever! But all those people that have two parents are really lucky. I hope they know that. Whatever. They probably don’t know it. They take it for granted. Didn’t I take my mother for granted until she got sick? Maybe this is a lesson for me. I do have a brother who gave up his life for me and my single brothers. I do have a house to live in. I will try not to take that for granted.

Truthfully, part of me was happy to go back to routine. I sort of needed some normalcy in my life. I got up and started getting dressed. As I was putting on my uniform, my hands started trembling. The last time I put on this skirt, Mommy was alive! How can a skirt outlive a mother? Ugh. I didn’t care what I looked like. My shirt could be wrinkled, my hair could be knotty, who cares? But I knew that I didn’t want to be the object of everyone’s pitiful stares and whispers. I knew that I wanted to put on a brave front and pretend that I was okay.

So I carefully brushed my hair and tucked in my shirt. I came into the kitchen for breakfast and there was my sister-in-law Baila feeding her children. She smiled at me and offered me breakfast. I knew that I should be polite, especially after all my thoughts about not taking things for granted. But I grunted and grabbed a breakfast bar. I mumbled goodbye and walked out the door, out of my safety zone and into the world of harsh, painful reality. But the world didn’t have to see what was inside me. I would not let them have access to it. So I pasted a smile on my face and acted as if all was okay.