How would people react? I did not want pity. But pity was the last vibe circulating in the hotel conference room
Mazel tov! L’chayim! Another engagement! Without lockdowns. We could make this wedding in an actual hall. Whoopee! A whole wedding with no masks and gloves!
I threw myself into the preparations. This was such a different experience from our previous Covid engagement. Stores were open! The credit card was smoking! I ran around with the kallah from store to store in search of the perfect brand of dishtowels.
I filled myself up with this simchah to plug the hole that still throbbed from Chezky’s absence. But I was honest enough to know that had Chezky been home, I never would’ve had the time to spend on all these fun and frivolous errands.
Part of my brain was still so habitually connected to him. At any given time I’d think: Where’s Chezky? Who’s watching him? What time is it? Did he have his meds? This had been second nature for me for so many years, it was taking time to deprogram myself.
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