Are you interested in your children or just in their performance?
When it comes to producing achievers, our chinuch has never been better. We’re experts in getting kids to perform. They learn long hours, master large amounts of material, and keep halachah stringently. True, not every child goes through the system with flying colors, but on the whole, we’re very successful at bringing kids to impressive accomplishments.
But is that really our job in chinuch? Are we just Torah coaches, trying to help our kids win a gold medal? Of course, we want our kids to excel. But we have to show our children and students that we’re interested in them, not just in their accomplishments. Otherwise, we’re missing something basic about chinuch, and about Torah itself.
The Gemara says in Kiddushin that when the nations heard the Ten Commandments, they initially thought, “kevod atzmo Hu doresh” — Hashem seeks His own honor. But when they heard the mitzvah of kibbud av v’eim, they realized that even when He said, “Anochi Hashem Elokecha,” He wasn’t looking for His own honor.
What does “His own honor” mean? They didn’t think Hashem sought celebrity and adulation. They thought, understandably, that Hashem’s primary concern is that His Will be done. When I fulfill your wish, I honor you. They thought He simply wants us to do as He says. Then they heard how He wants our parents’ will to obligate us, and understood He’s not just interested in us following His orders.
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