Everyone has relationship problems at some point. The most common relationship difficulties occur within the nuclear family: between spouses siblings parents and children. Most people have the same idea as to how these relationship problems should be solved — the “difficult” person should improve. The unhappy wife wants her husband to change. The disgruntled child wants his parent to be different. The irritated sister knows just what her brother needs to do.
Why Problems Occur
Many people think that relationship difficulties occur because the people they are dealing with have various faults. In fact the human imperfections of our loved ones have nothing to do with why relationship problems occur. They happen for the same reason that poverty illness unemployment natural disasters and war happen: Hashem wants to send us challenges. All of the difficulties we encounter in life are for our own benefit.
Suppose the car in front of us suddenly slowed down forcing us to come to a sudden jolting stop. No one would get mad at the car. Cars have no free will. Obviously the driver is at fault rather than the car itself. And those in the know wouldn’t bother getting mad at the driver either. The driver is only an instrument in Hashem’s Hand. Hashem made the car slow down in front of us — “zol zein a kapporah” (the aggravation should atone for our sins).
And so it is in family life. Our spouse mother father sister brother child in-laws and the remaining cast of characters who fill our lives are there to prod and provoke us into growth.
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