Shul rebbetzins give of their time, their energy, their family life — and yet, they say, they wouldn’t have it any other way.
Rebbetzin Deena Davidovich: “It’s important to be relatable that’s what people appreciate. When I go through something difficult I think I know I’m going to be able to use this to help other people. You don’t have to be perfect — whip up amazing Shabbosos be the ideal mother. I’m not a perfect mother. Do I always have the perfect answer and the perfect reaction? Probably not. But that’s okay”
“If you feel people are in a better place — both emotionally and spiritually — because of you that’s an enormous privilege and a fantastic feeling” says Rebbetzin Via Kimche of Ner Yisrael in London who’s been a shul rebbetzin for 33 years. Yet she notes being a rebbetzin is also a huge responsibility. “My husband and I talk almost every night about shul business. We try our best but it’s almost mission impossible to take adequate care of around 1 000 souls — to be like a father and mother to them — both in terms of pastoral care and spiritual leadership. The most important element is true love respect and empathy for your congregants. I daven for them especially on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.”
The job of a shul rav is fairly well-defined — he gives shiurim offers guidance paskens halachah attends life-cycle events and is there whenever his congregants need him. But what about a shul rebbetzin? Her role is far more fluid depending on her individual personality her shul’s expectations and her family and other responsibilities. Yet she too can make a difference in many people’s lives. Several shul rebbetzins share the ways in which life in the public arena can be challenging — and fulfilling.
No matter what role a rebbetzin wants to play in her community her primary role is to serve as a support for her husband says Rebbetzin Michal Cohen of Congregation Adas Yeshurun in Chicago. “Being a rabbi is definitely the hardest job in the world. It’s 24/7. It’s very easy for a rav to get lost in the needs of his kehillah. Having a supportive wife who enables him to do what he does understands how much he has on his head and helps give him perspective is very important.”
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