I don’t have children in shidduchim yet but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about their potential as good husbands and wives. Some of my children in their upper teens show less-than-desirable character traits. Yes I know no one is a finished product at this age but neither does anyone change overnight. I feel irresponsible allowing them to date when I see the sort of appalling middos that surface as they interact with family. Isn’t behavior at home the true indication of menschlichkeit?
My husband isn’t a great role model and we’ve had a difficult marriage; I can’t just brush it away and hope they’ll do better. I feel like middos is in one’s DNA. This worry is intensifying as we get closer to shidduchim and I see no maturity taking place. Any advice would be appreciated.
Scared
Dear Scared
Wow I hear so much panic in your question. And when there’s panic we need to hit pause.
There’s so much to worry about as we raise our children but ultimately it boils down to this one thing: Please Hashem let them grow to be G-d-fearing competent adults who manage their lives with erlichkeit and menschlichkeit. And when we see a lack in that capacity all our failure nightmares descend upon us. It’s therefore crucial to distinguish between our own feelings and the objective concerns we must address as we raise our children.
