“Our post-seminary system is simply not set up for women to have other women to reach out to in the long term”
It was interesting (and heartening) to see the poll results showing how many women feel they have a “mentor” to turn to. At the same time, it was distressing to know that so many don’t have that experience.
I was lucky enough to graduate seminary with several rabbanim and teachers (some still from high school) who I felt I could turn to throughout my years in shidduchim. As time went on, and the stages of life shifted, some of those relationships slowly faded, but I still maintain a close relationship with one teacher in particular.
The relationship has shifted from the automatic imbalance of teen/teacher to something more like friends, although we are a generation apart (literally — her youngest child is the same age as my oldest). I turn to her for childrearing advice, and we talk through other stuff, too — but with a new understanding that sometimes I agree with her take, sometimes I don’t, and sometimes (gasp!) I might even know better.
I’ve learned that while the starry-eyed high school version of a mentor is someone who is everything, who is with-it and smart and wise and experienced and savvy and can advise/guide/suggest/direct you on just about everything, this doesn’t really exist. Not in the adult world, and not in high school either — though maybe back then it felt possible.
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