“I Didn’t Think I’d Be Single So Long. I Never Wanted a Career”

I’m a 28-year-old single girl and have had a few jobs over the years, but none that I ever truly enjoyed or felt used my talents. I lost the last job that I had, which was a good thing because I would’ve eventually quit anyway. Now, I just can’t figure out what to do next. I didn’t think I’d be single so long and didn’t really ever plan to have a career. It seems way too late to go back to school — I hope to be married soon and so it may be a waste — and I know that it will give the impression that I’m career focused, which is really not my goal at all. 

How do I find the right job for now?

I’m noticing two separate things here:

1. You have never enjoyed work.
2. You wish you were married and had a reason not to work.Based on your question, I’m guessing your upbringing emphasized the beauty and value of being a Jewish wife and mother, and that you feel relatively prepared to take on that title. I gather you were taught less about the role of a Jewish woman outside of her life as a wife and mother.

If that’s true, I’d also take this a step further and guess that you assume there’s not much you can do to fulfill your unique potential until you can slip into the role you expected. But that kind of thinking often leads you to becoming a passive observer of your own life instead of an active agent.

Let’s put you back in the driver’s seat. Instead of focusing on marriage — the one area of your life beyond your control — focus on all the other things that you can control: how you spend your time, how you find fulfillment, how you put your talents to use, how you fulfill the role you are actually in right now.

I wonder if you’ve never enjoyed work because you believe that if you would enjoy it, you’d be sending Hashem a message that you really are okay, you’ve found fulfillment, and He doesn’t need to rush to get you married.

Could that be? I promise — neither you nor Hashem will get confused about your values or goals even if you have a fulfilling job. Can you trust yourself and Him on that?