“Unfortunately, the Internet is a very effective and efficient way of regulating anxiety, albeit a very destructive one”
Thank you for the article featuring Dr. Zimmerman’s book From Boys to Men. This conversation is long overdue, and I’m sure many will benefit from this taboo subject being given space in the open.
As a mental health counselor in Jerusalem, I find that this is an issue that presents itself daily in the clinic, and there are a few points I would like to add. Firstly, as the Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh writes on parshas Acharei Mos (18:2), we have the capacities, tools, and strength to keep any command G-d has given us. He writes that this is true in every case aside from one: The command of keeping away from promiscuity. This is something we do not have the human ability to fight, he writes, unless we create adequate boundaries.
Many young adults look at this challenge as proof of their immaturity. It isn’t; it’s a very widespread human struggle. But we have to be very conscious of the importance of setting up the necessary boundaries. If parents understood this, perhaps they would be more comfortable opening up the conversation with their children.
Another vital point is that the article focused mainly on this being a “bochurim struggle,” which could potentially make this conversation taboo for the many, many avreichim and young married working men who struggle with this in a very painful way. I meet them on a daily basis, and many of them feel completely stuck, lost, and full of shame and guilt — which, as mentioned in the article, only perpetuates this painful cycle.
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