“It would mean a lot to singles if we could find other topics to hash about in the magazines”
Thank you to the writer of the inbox letter “It Can Be Done,” for offering a message of hope to girls who want to marry a boy who will learn in kollel, even though their parents can’t provide support. Her voice should be amplified many times over.
I, too, chose (or perhaps was fortunate to be chosen by) this path many years ago and continue to see the brachos that have blossomed from this choice in my marriage, family, and in my psychological wellbeing.
I’d like to join the letter writer in saying that it is certainly possible to live a kollel life without the expectation of full parental financing. It requires a certain depth of character, open perspective, willingness to work very hard, and very strong marriage skills (which may actually be stronger when the financial structure of the marriage is not dependent on parental support). While there are real challenges — as there are in every lifestyle — the accountability and responsibility in living this life leads to purpose-driven living on so many levels.
Interestingly, the kollel community that my husband and I joined when we first got married, where there was no expectation of parental support whatsoever, was also a community in which no girls were asked to send shidduch pictures, and no boy’s family ever asked for guarantees or specific amounts of support before accepting a date. The marriages in this community were exceptionally strong.
Create a free account to keep reading.
