The Holy Kind of Shame    

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few weeks ago, one of my talmidim mentioned in class that he wouldn’t be going to sleepaway camp this summer. He said it casually: “My parents have a whole shitah against camps, so I’m just doing day trips.”

I know his parents well. I’ve sat with them through several meetings. There is no shitah here — no philosophy, no carefully planned stance. Just strain. They simply can’t afford camp this year, and they didn’t want their son to feel insecure.

And we can all feel the dilemma they’re facing. Do you tell your child the truth — we can’t swing it — and risk making him feel different from his friends? Do you create a “family value” to soften the blow? Or do you stretch, borrow, fundraise, patch together something — just so your child doesn’t feel left out?

What should guide our financial decisions: our children’s comfort, or the reality of our limits?