LONG READS Issue 1101 · February 25, 2026

Last Name Basis   

How many disastrous dates would it take to prove that Green and Bean aren't a match? A could-technically-be-real comedy collaboration by five writers

Last Name Basis   
How many disastrous dates would it take to prove that Green and Bean aren’t a match?
A could-technically-be-real comedy collaboration by five writers

Coordinated by Bashie Lisker
Illustrated by Esti Saposh

Chapter 1: Cool Beans

Shmuel Botnick

Poppers. Gershy pulled his head out of the oven and slammed it shut as his mother walked in. She didn’t like when he poked around the kitchen — even for such innocent efforts as checking on dinner.

“Good evening, Mrs. Bean.” This was how he referred to his mother when trying to connote some gravity. “Did you say yes to that Zenner girl? My friend Aryeh thinks it’s kedai.”

His mother shook her head sharply. “No, I did not.”

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