The Art of Listening

few months back, I began corresponding on a semi-monthly basis with one of my closest law school friends, whom I haven’t seen in close to fifty years. In one of his first missives, he made an important observation based on his career at Goldman Sachs and Blackstone: Every one of the most brilliant people he met — the one-in-a-thousand minds — was a superb listener.

Because each of them knew that no matter how smart or knowledgeable a person is, no one knows everything, and one can always gain from the knowledge and perspectives of others. As just one example: One of the keys to the George Washington’s success as a general in the Revolutionary War was his openness to the suggestions of subordinates.

Prior to the second battle of Trenton, writes David Hackett Fischer in Washington’s Crossing, “The discussion was freewheeling and its tone suggested that Washington wanted it that way. The suggestion to disengage from the British at Trenton and outflank them on the way to Princeton came from a subordinate officer and was adopted by Washington.” By contrast, the British general Cornwallis imposed his plan for attacking Trenton “from the top down against the judgment of able inferiors.”

BUT THE ABILITY to really listen to others is much more than just the gathering of information. It is the key to building relationships and to effective leadership. When we really listen to another, we affirm their importance to us, and that what they are thinking or feeling is important to us because they are important.