The words “loyalty” and “love” both start with the letter “L.” Take this as a hint: the two are somehow related! Certainly in the minds of many spouses these two words are virtually synonymous. “If you loved me you would take my side ” is a common sentiment. Loyalty demonstrates love and love demands loyalty.
The Loyalty Challenge
The new chassan and kallah both feel loyalty. Not to each other mind you. At this early stage of their relationship they are much more likely to feel loyalty to the dear parents who raised them. Their long-standing bond with their family of origin (compared to the fledgling bond with the new spouse) can create some challenging loyalty dilemmas.
Let’s look at a typical example. Young Yanky is sitting with his wife and new baby at his parents’ Shabbos table. Yanky’s mother suggests that the young couple leave the baby with her for an evening during the week so they can go out together for a much-needed break. Her offer is generous and Yanky is appreciative. His wife Ruthie however bristles. She has no desire to leave her baby with her mother-in-law. In fact she has no desire to leave her baby with anyone; she is happy to have the infant with her at all times.
She thanks her mother-in-law for the kind offer but declines; she doesn’t want to be apart from the baby just yet. Mother-in-Law is astounded. This sounds a tad unhealthy to her and she makes a tiny remark indicating her displeasure: “Well to each their own.” And the conversation ends.
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