“Every one of us should start every day giving ourselves a standing ovation”
As someone who’s been dating for many years, I’ve had my fair share of dating guys who are either emotionally immature or emotionally unavailable. Kudos to this “Yoni” for being open to feedback and for being willing to see a weakness that he had! Through no fault of his own, being raised by parents who didn’t teach or display healthy emotional awareness, he had come to be an adult with minimal emotional depth. The thing is, that’s where many people stop their growth and say, well, that’s the way I was raised, or that’s totally normal. I myself was raised by parents who weren’t able to teach me how to recognize and handle emotions, but I learned in my adulthood, through therapy, reading, and wanting more from my life.
Keep growing and learning about yourself. It’s the best investment for yourself and your future spouse and children!
Name Withheld
I enjoyed reading Rachel Burnham’s insightful and meaningful columns. As a shadchan, I think her advice is spot-on. I think it’s important to remember, though, that the scenario depicted in this past week’s column can apply equally to boys and girls. Although the column detailed something that often happens with boys in dating, girls can play an equal role in the “plateauing” phenomenon. It’s important for both boys and girls to seek out the advice of someone who speaks to both parties — and not just one — who can advise based on seeing and hearing the larger picture, and not just half of it. I’d love to hear Mrs. Burnham address dating couples who are “plateauing,” where the girl has an active role to play in the process. The good news is that both boys and girls can help each other rise above the plateau. Please share some more techniques!
A Reader
I’m writing in response to the fiction story about a mother who was horrified that her work-from-home daughter was struggling to juggle her children, home, and job to the point where her home was borderline dysfunctional. Can we take a moment to appreciate and applaud how much our women are managing to do? Does it take a read like this to notice that keeping it together on the most minimal level is absolutely monumental! Besides holding down a job, bathing children every night, making Shabbos every week, and feeding the baby on time… we’re also showing up to parent-teacher conferences, remembering trip monies, permission slips, keeping track of library books and davening charts. We’re making sure our children have clothing, shoes, glasses, braces, haircuts, school supplies and snacks! We take them (and ourselves) regularly to doctors and dentists. We’re managing our homes — there’s food in the fridge, clean clothing to wear, a couch to sit on, shampoo in the shower. We’re making simchahs, designing shalach manos, making Yom Tov, entertaining children on snow days. I think every one of us should start every day giving ourselves a standing ovation and a serious round of applause.
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