“Hashem doesn’t judge us on the result — He’s looking, with loving eyes, at the effort”
I resonated deeply with the story about a divorced young woman who feels pain at the support her newly widowed friend is receiving while she received nothing but judgment, and with the perspectives of a number of women who shared their thoughts on the story.
As a childless divorcée of a number of years who’s still waiting to find her bashert, I feel a part of both the divorced women and the older singles of our society. I want to share another piece that wasn’t mentioned. When I was married and felt stifled, unsafe, and gasping for breath, I remember a scary thought crossing my mind. I imagined an accident where HaKadosh Baruch Hu would take my husband.
What I wanted even more than support was clarity. I wanted to know for a fact that it’s a gezeirah for me to have to find a zivug sheini. I didn’t want to be the one to choose it upon myself.
I felt that I couldn’t survive in my marriage. And still I was afraid to take the step. I believed it was bad. I believed it represented weakness. Eventually, after months of suffering, with my rav’s encouragement, I found the strength and left. There were questions and judgment from those closest to me. And still today, I get asked: Do you ever regret your decision? If you knew how hard shidduchim are the second time around, would you still do it?
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