The badeken, the chuppah, the spirited separate dancing — all the beloved and familiar aspects of a frum wedding, can look bizarre to an outsider. How can we make all our guests — non-frum or non-Jewish relatives, neighbors, and colleagues included — comfortable at our weddings?
Julie Salamon a non-religious Jewish writer had herself been married under a chuppah. But when in the course of researching a book on Maimonides Hospital in Brooklyn she found herself invited to her first Boro Park wedding she had no clue what to expect. In the finished product Hospital she recounts that she hastily fired off an e-mail to Jo Ann Baldwin the Italian-American administrator who had proposed the book to ask about the protocol for frum weddings.
Jo Ann a more experienced Boro Park wedding attendee began by dispensing the wise advice not to show up at six o’clock just because that was the time specified in the invitation. She had once made the mistake of showing up “on time” for a wedding only to find herself alone with her husband and the caterer for over an hour.
Julie also wanted to know what to do about a wedding gift; in the non-Jewish world brides often register their gift preferences with department stores and it’s less common to give money. When she politely queried “Are they registered?” Jo Ann answered “You just gave me a big laugh! Registered … I just give money in a card. [But] you just met these people … If you have time to run out and get a gift you can do that. Who doesn’t need a vase?”
Last but not least came the eternal question: what should I wear? Jo Ann made sure to advise Ms. Salamon that despite 90-degree temperatures of that week she should be careful to keep her arms covered and not wear pants. She herself had purchased what she clearly thought of as a stodgy old-lady dress just for such occasions.
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