How we percieve others often says more about us than it does about them
“It really bothers me that my wife doesn’t get along with anybody. She doesn’t talk to her mother she fights with all of her siblings she keeps friends for a short time and then finds that they are all takers so she drops them. It affects all of us: our kids don’t see their cousins we can’t have long-term family friends and I have to listen to her complaining about everyone all the time.”
People Lovers
Some people have great relationships. Whether they have a small close circle of friends and family or an enormous social network their relationships are almost all positive. Is it because the people in their lives are all kind well-adjusted and sensitive? Not entirely. It’s true that people-lovers often choose healthy people to be their closest friends but these people tend to have good relationships with those they didn’t choose as well: family members neighbors and coworkers. Assuming that all humans are prone to character flaws and that they all step on the toes of others in myriad ways what allows people-lovers to get along with others so well?
People-lovers are generous of spirit. They can afford to be; they like themselves enough to assume that others like them too. When something goes wrong in a communication people-lovers (PL) assume that whatever error occurred was just an error — not a fatal flaw. They realize that they themselves are sometimes the one in error and they feel okay about that because they are secure with themselves. They also know that the other person could be in error and that’s okay too because making mistakes doesn’t detract from a person’s essential goodness. In other words they judge themselves and others positively.
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