“My husband is a very generous man. He’ll sit and listen to people help them financially and even become personally involved to the point where he makes calls and runs errands for them. Everyone loves him. I just wish he’d do half as much for me and the kids. He’s never here for us — emotionally or physically. He’s too busy running around for everyone else. I can’t understand it. Is it because he doesn’t get enough kavod if he just helps at home?”
Attention Wanted
Every person yearns for attention. In fact lack of attention is one of the hardest things for human beings to tolerate. The prison system utilizes solitary confinement — isolation from all other people — as one of its cruelest punishments. We all need people to talk to and even more we need them to listen to us to acknowledge us to focus on us.
Spouses are supposed to do this for each other and parents are supposed to do this for their kids. Close relationships are only close when there is an exchange of high-quality attention. “I’m very close to my mother. We speak several times a day.” “Are you close to your brother?” “No not really. We hardly ever speak.”
Can spouses be close to each other when they have minimal contact? Perhaps they retain a heart-to-heart connection even if they are separated by oceans for years on end but it’s certainly not the kind of closeness they would have if they interacted with each other many times a day.
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