Indelible  

A few years ago, I got a call from the father of a student.

“Did you know that during bein hazmanim, the boys went to the beach and to a concert?!” His tone bordered on hysteria. “And our Chaim was wearing” —he paused, choking on the words— “a T-shirt and shorts!”

Ah.

“A lot of bochurim test the waters during bein hazmanim,” I explained carefully. “How a bochur dresses then may actually be his way of testing himself, to see if the growth he made over the year is real or if, by wearing his old clothes, he’s still the person he was before he started rocking the yeshivish levush.”

But Chaim’s father wasn’t listening.

“Think about how this will affect his shidduchim!” he interrupted me. “And not just his, but we have two girls right after him — what will this do to their shidduchim?! Why does he dress one way in yeshivah and another way outside? Doesn’t he understand how that looks?!”