Meeting in the Middle

These weeks leading up to Tishah B’Av are an especially meaningful time for Am Yisrael. Speakers and writers keep reminding us that the second Beis Hamikdash was destroyed because of sinas chinam. We’re hearing plenty about the crucial importance of loving each other, of unity, as the formula for Geulah. Skillfully wielded, these words stir our hearts. They make us want to do better. Only trouble is, we heard these same things last year, and the year before, and ten or twenty years ago… and very little has actually changed in the love and unity department.

Yes, these derashos are critically important, but they seem to have only a fleeting effect. The old divisions still remain, the old resentments still simmer, while new ones appear daily, and we aren’t exactly seeing a mass movement of conciliation — people setting aside differences for the sake of brotherhood, goodwill, and cooperation. Lashon hara, rechilus, public shaming, and smearing run rampant, and ironically, the people who foment all this ill feeling will often be found pontificating about the importance of shalom and quoting Chazal on the destructive power of sinaas chinam.

For those unwilling to stay stuck in these destructive patterns, I highly recommend the short seforim put out by the Tzfas-based Machon Toras HaAdam L’Adam on various aspects of relating to one’s fellowman, as an excellent way of awakening the heart to the tragic import of machlokes, quarreling, and strife and the danger they pose to our nation, both physically and spiritually.

Still, we must happily acknowledge that much has improved on the level of one-on-one interpersonal relations. Over the years, there’s been a tremendous surge in the regular study of hilchos shemiras halashon, and that zechus belongs mainly to the women and girls of our nation. At this time every year, the days of bein hameitzarim, we see an increase in the study of these halachos, spurred by the calls of our spiritual guides to learn Sefer Chofetz Chaim in depth — and the effect on our lives is clear to see. Yet at the same time, on the community level, the rifts and the quarreling continue.