As the months went on, rather than becoming closer, we grew further apart, and were increasingly irritated with one another
MY story begins when I got married. I was 18 years old, a brand-new kallah excited to get to know my kind, timid chassan and build a home and a relationship with him.
Our problems began almost immediately. Despite my enthusiasm, it was so difficult for us to connect. For reasons I couldn’t fathom, my husband, Chaim, was often stressed out, overburdened, and unhappy. He wasn’t able to explain to me what was bothering him and would instead withdraw. He was also a stickler for schedule and routine, and a very picky eater, only wanting one or two types of suppers day in and day out. (Well, at least that part made the cooking easier for me!)
Chaim loved to read and considered books to be his closest friends, preferring to spend time with them over me. He’s super intelligent, and whenever he got enthusiastic about something — his learning (he’s a huge masmid), philosophy, nature, and animals — he talked about it in an almost obsessive fascination. It was very hard for him to relate to or respond to my attempts to engage him in conversation about the topics that interested me. He also played board and card games very intensely, with a strong sense of competitiveness, and that took a lot of the fun out of one of the few ways we had to connect to each other.
I also noticed that while he was a prized chavrusa and respected as a very serious learner, he had few friends he wanted to hang out with outside the beis medrash. He also had trouble carrying conversations about mundane topics and was very uncomfortable with eye contact.
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