I’m one of the last left from my group of single friends. My best friend is getting married and I find myself wondering: How I can keep and maintain a relationship with her now she will have completely different interests?
Below is a poem I wrote after this friend got engaged which helps express my feelings and fears:
Looking
Watching
As one more
Makes her way
Away …
Sitting
Alone
As they all
Walk down the path
Together …
Lonely
Forlorn
Waiting for just one
Phonecall …
Wondering
Maybe
There are still some
Memories …
Wanting
Needing
The old company
Of then …
Abandoned
Isolated
From the rest
Waiting …
Questioning
Thinking
Is it just pride
That did it?
Cheated
Exposed
Many lost secrets
Now gone …
Thinking
Hoping
Will I too, ever
Join them?
Promising
Assuring
That I will be
Different
Praying
Pleading
Hashem, please
Help me …
Strength
Perseverance
On the journey
Up ahead …
Understanding
Compassion
For all those
Left behind …
Authentic
Happiness
For all those
Leavers …
What you, and so many others, are dealing with is a very delicate balancing act. When a good friend gets married, there has to be understanding and stretching on both sides. The married friend has to remember what it’s like to be single, try to invite her single friend over, and think of shidduchim for her. The single friend has to be considerate of her friend’s new status, and act on that consideration.
Marriage is the biggest transition that a person will go through in her life. If your best friend is successful at building a bayis neeman, then she can only be your second best friend. Her first best friend will be her husband. And it’s important to understand this and be willing to step aside a bit while you let your friend build this type of relationship. If Chazal set the concept of shana rishonah, it means they recognized the importance of putting a great deal of time and energy into building the marriage, particularly during the first year. To the degree that your friendship was a real friendship, you will hopefully be able to rejoice in your friend’s good fortune, and allow her to focus her energies in the right place.
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