Do we show our children how to struggle? Do we share our own personal stories, victories, and defeats, with them, showing them how to deal with being human?
I grew up in a kollel family with very little money. I was often the only one in my class not to have a particular item, be it new clothing or fancy school supplies, and it wasn’t easy. Despite it, my parents imparted the value of Torah well, and I married a learning boy.
It’s 11 years later, and my husband is still in kollel. My own children are getting older and I don’t want them to have the same experience I did. However, I’m facing the same situation my parents must have faced — we don’t have much money and many of the items in style are prohibitively expensive. And it’s not just the money that bothers me, I’m disturbed by what has become the norm, it often seems over the top.
How can we keep living a kollel life without our children feeling a lack? And is there anything we can do to combat the impossibly high standards that society has set for what kids need, or are we stuck complying to those standards if we don’t want our kids to be deprived?
When a couple wants to be in kollel for a year or two, they can usually wing it. Even four years, many couples can manage. But if you’re husband is learning in kollel for 11 years, it means you’ve opted for kollel as your “real life.” This needs a different kind of commitment and plan. Your family needs a healthy, stable structure, which will set you up for success in the long term. Here are some general guidelines you may find helpful:
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