I’ve heard it said that just as limud Torah is for men so is tzniyus for women. I’m not really sure what that means. Does that mean just as limud Torah is the main mitzvah men are obligated in so tzniyus is the main mitzvah women are obligated in? Does it mean that just as limud Torah is a vehicle for dveikus b’Hashem for men so tzniyus gives that to women?
I have a son who is in yeshivah and baruch Hashem I’ve seen how the intense full-time learning has really built him; he’s more even-tempered more considerate more pleasant than he ever was as a child and I’d venture to say he has more simchas hachayim than anyone else in the house. I attribute some of this to maturity but most of it to the impact Torah learning has had on him.
On the other hand I have two teenage girls — one who’s always been cookie cutter/by the book/eidel/tzanuah etc. by nature and one who’s a little outside the box. Baruch Hashem the older one is strong and growing and maturing beautifully. The other one is struggling and at risk of disconnecting. I can’t say I attribute or blame the success/struggle of either of them to tzniyus. I don’t see how tzniyus plays a definitive role in their lives the way limud Torah does for my son. If tzniyus is not the answer — then what is?
I feel that girls have no immediate purpose in their lives. They split their time between being in school and chasing after fun (clubs camps performances hanging out what have you — it’s all about having a good time). They need to succeed in school so they can get a job so they can support their husbands in learning — that’s way too far off (and intimidating) to be building them now. And fun… is just fun — it’s empty it’s gone today and needs to be replaced tomorrow. What’s supposed to be connecting our teen girls to Hashem and mitzvos?
