Assertiveness Training

Many times the needs of one family member will be at odds
with those of another family member. In cases of competing needs compromise is
certainly possible. However in certain relationships one person tends to win
(i.e. gets what he or she needs) while the other person tends to lose (i.e.
doesn’t get what he or she needs). Moreover there are times in every
relationship where a win-lose outcome is the only possible outcome: for
instance if one spouse wants to raise children in California
while the other wants to raise them inIsrael.

People who “lose” too often are at risk for sinking into
depression or exploding into drastic action. It is important for every
individual to learn the skills required for balancing their wins and losses.

Passivity

The passive approach to negotiation involves giving up. It
is often driven by fear of conflict or of not being loved. Although it may be
the easier route in the moment chronic passivity can destroy relationships.
Passive partners may fail to act when action is called for leading to deep
resentment on the part of their spouses. Alternatively passive partners may
come to resent their spouses after years of squelching their own needs within
the relationship.

For example if the wife routinely gives in thinking that a
good wife has no right to have her needs met she is at risk for coming to
dislike her husband. Similarly if a husband mistakenly feels that his job is
to make his wife happy no matter what he personally feels and therefore takes
the passive approach doing everything
her way he may come to bitterly resent her.