Birth Pangs

This is it, I think.

This is what waiting, truly waiting, for the Geulah feels like.

Every twinge, every sudden movement, and I think, here it is. Here we go. It’s starting.

And then I sink back onto the floor, clutching my Eichah, as I realize it was nothing at all.

I break my fast around midday, and then I give up. It’s never going to happen, I tell myself, heaving myself off of the cold Jerusalem floors. You’re going to carry this baby forever.