Iwas just redt to a boy who sounds like a really good idea for me but I’m very nervous because he had a broken engagement. People say generic things like “It just wasn’t a good fit” but I’m reluctant to say yes. I get that sometimes it just really isn’t a good fit but what if there was a serious problem? How should I proceed?
Reluctant
Dear Reluctant
I hear your reluctance loud and clear. We’re good people who don’t want to cause harm to each other and baruch Hashem we work hard on shemiras halashon so people are often specifically vague when it comes to sensitive areas like broken engagements. This is a good thing but it makes it difficult for someone in your situation to get enough objective information to make a sound decision.
The first thing you need to do is to consult with a rav about the parameters of toeles in this particular scenario. He will guide you both in what you can ask and how you can ask it. Armed with this knowledge you can proceed to uncover what you need to know.
Your next step is to do some soul searching. What are your deal breakers? What would you absolutely refuse to consider?
