It’s quite a shocking revelation: We can take on stringencies in tzniyus make resolutions about more time for Torah learning accept hiddurim in Shabbos observance — but all those efforts are basically worthless in cleaning our spiritual slate if we haven’t yet appeased our fellow man.

If you have a chance to look through the sefer Michtav Me’Eliyahu an appropriate preparation for Yom Kippur the following quote may make you as it did me feel a bit uncomfortable — but it will be a good sort of discomfort: “Chazal say ‘Regarding transgressions between man and his fellow Yom Kippur does not atone until one appeases the other person.’” (Yoma 5:9)

Rav Dessler points out that the Mishnah does not say “Yom Kippur does not atone for them” as we would expect it to say but simply “Yom Kippur does not atone.” The Tanna omitting the words “for them ” seems to imply that if someone has sinned against his fellow man and has not appeased him then Yom Kippur does not atone at all not even for transgressions between man and G-d!

What Rav Dessler has revealed is a painful and shocking truth — that all our efforts to correct ourselves in the area of tzniyus for example or bittul Torah or hilchos Shabbos or tefillah are worthless if we don’t appease those we have hurt.

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