Courtship Is for Life

Do you still look as you did on your dates? Why not?

It’s odd. When people go out on a date they pay all sorts of attention to the most superficial aspects of themselves. For instance they may concentrate intensely on how their hair looks. Hair? Why should anyone care about how their hair looks when the issue at hand is the holy endeavor of selecting a partner for the lifelong project of building a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael? What has hair got to do with it — combed not combed in a headband or in a ponytail — who cares? Surely this is not a consideration.

But of course the hair is a consideration — as is the suit or dress the shoes the posture the makeup or lack of it the way one chews one’s food or sips one’s drink the height the accent and a host of other superficial factors. In fact the whole shidduch may rise or fall based on such trivialities. (“Ma I don’t want to go out with him again. I don’t like his hair.”)

Marriage Changes Everything

Few people have to be taught the importance of these superficial aspects of self on a date. Almost everyone instinctively knows that they must put their best superficial foot forward in order to convince someone to sign up as their permanent life partner. They know that they’re selling an image one that must be attractive and pleasing. “Look here’s what you’ll get — someone handsome/beautiful dignified put-together someone you’ll be proud to be seen in public with and someone you’ll enjoy having around you all the time.”