“We are human; we are trying our best, and we juggle hectic lives. Redting shidduchim is a passion and priority, but we’re human”
Reading Esther Kurtz’s article about feeling like a good mother for agreeing to take her child to a friend’s house — a 45-minute drive each way — but then wondering if her frustration outweighed her goodwill reminded me of an important parenting principle discussed by Dr. Haim Ginott: A child’s pleasure should not come at the price of a parent’s suffering. The cost is too great for both.
We think loving suffering on a child’s behalf — “I’m so worried when you go there — oh, you can go” or “You can eat the last piece of chicken, son, don’t worry about me” — is noble, but it’s actually not. Parents want to acquire a child’s love and gratitude by overextending themselves, but the children don’t feel grateful in return; they feel hateful and choked by it.
Instead, a person can do things willingly, with no strings attached — or not at all. Better to give nothing than a load of guilt.
B. Leibowitz
Bassi Gruen’s recent letter about both the daily hardships and the beautiful gifts of living in Eretz Yisrael really resonated with me.
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