“We can spare people tremendous heartache if we think before asking questions”
It was so sad to read your feature about people who suffer a trauma that is accompanied by shame. These people have suffered so much, and then added to their pain is the embarrassment and guilt from people’s judgment.
I know trauma quite well and can relate to such pain. Due to emotional neglect, I suffer from unhealthy attachments. This is through no fault of my own, yet I face a world of judgment that makes my healing so much harder. On the outside it seems like I’m accomplished and have lots of friends, but on the inside, my work with my trauma therapist is like cleansing a wound with hydrogen peroxide. It burns and is an exhausting, full-time job. There are layers to peel off so I can reach the place I’ve dreamed of my whole life: marriage.
Sometimes I feel my friends want to keep a safe distance from me, and that hurts. I so appreciated the dos and don’ts in this feature. My friends don’t understand the value of their reaching out with meal invites, good Shabbos calls, or a half-hour coffee get-together. It’s these little things that mean the world!
I can be contacted through Mishpacha.
Name Withheld
My heart goes out to each of the women featured in the article about trauma that comes with shame. A common factor exacerbating the pain felt in each one of these situations was the questions that people asked. People mean well; nobody wants to hurt people. But it’s so important to think before we speak.
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