“Young couples who host ‘couple meals’ where friends arrive with truckloads of alcohol, wake up”
I respectfully disagree with the Inbox letter, “Look Beyond Symbolic Acts,” which itself was a panel discussing how to conduct oneself during this difficult time. It is very nice to suggest that if a girl wants to go out for coffee, her mother should “encourage her to take advantage of the gathering of friends to say a perek of Tehillim together” or “have extra kavanah on the brachah.” And I certainly endorse her suggestion to take on something in our avodas Hashem, something that another letter writer so correctly suggested in her letter.
But I must take issue with the argument that we should not inflict “pain on ourselves in the ‘merit’ of our brothers and sisters.” This contradicts a gemara as well as the teachings of our baalei mussar.
The Gemara (Taanis 11a) teaches, “B’zman shehatzibbur sharui b’tzaar, al yomar adam, ‘Eilech l’veisi v’ochal v’eshteh, v’shalom alayich nafshi.’… Ela, yetza’er adam im hatzibbur — At a time when the community is steeped in distress, a person should not say, ‘I will go to my house and eat and drink, and peace be upon you, my soul.’… Rather, a person should suffer along with the community.”
The Gemara cites the example of Moshe Rabbeinu, who stood on the mountaintop overlooking Bnei Yisrael’s battle with Amalek, holding up his hands to direct their hearts in prayer. When his hands grew heavy, Aharon and Chur stood on each side supporting them, and a rock was placed there for him to sit on. A rock? asks the Gemara — was there no cushion for him to sit on, as befitting such a leader? But Moshe Rabbeinu said that since Yisrael was steeped in distress, he would be with them in their distress.
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