The first relationship a person experiences in this world is that between parent and child. We are taught that one of the primary values of this relationship is its parallel to our relationship with Hashem. The pain and triumphs we feel so tangibly as parents are mere shadows of what Hashem feels with Klal Yisrael’s failures and successes.
Divinely Designed
Rav Hutner teaches a fascinating point in discussing the halachos of kibud av v’eim. The parent-child relationship is divinely designed so that a parent perceives each child as an extension of himself both physically and spiritually. This defines his tafkid in parenting.
It becomes confusing therefore when parents are faced with children who are so different from themselves. Yet we must believe that in making this match Hashem knew all the trials and treasures entailed in this relationship. A relative of a well-known rav related that when she was struggling with one of her children the rav gave her chizuk by telling her “Children were not given to us for nachas; they were given to us for avodas Hashem.”
When Expectations aren’t Met
It’s Friday evening. A Jewish mother stands before her candles her lips moving silently her body swaying with intense concentration. She whispers the heartfelt tefillah “Let me merit to raise children … who love Hashem and fear Him holy children …” Many a tear has been shed by mothers whose children are not fulfilling the hopes expressed in this tefillah.
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