There’s an old joke about a young man who’s considering going into the rabbinate in America. An elderly European man sees him learning diligently. This older man more than slightly cynical of the American rabbinical scene of the 1920’s thought it strange this young man was spending so much time on Yoreh Dei’ah and Shas.
“Why do you spend so much time learning Shas and topics which no one in Americawill ever ask you about?” he asked the young man. “Don’t you know that in Americaall the sheilos are “oder niftar oder maftir?” (All of the questions you’ll be asked in this country are either about mourning [niftar– the deceased] or who gets which honor in shul [literally who gets maftir.]) As long as you know who sits shiva and who gets maftir you don’t need to know anything else.”
I’m not commenting on the authenticity of the anecdote; one thing is true however and that is that people can get a little testy and touchy when it comes to getting the amud for yahrtzeit and for the year of mourning.
I always get a knot in my stomach when two aveilim (people in the 12-month period of mourning for a parent) approach the amud at the same time and I have to decide between them as they both have a chiyuv (obligation) to lead the davening but obviously only one can.
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