“Sarah you look terrific tonight ” comments Shmuel to his wife as they prepare to leave for the wedding. “Oh I look terrible ” replies Sarah “Those extra five pounds I put on over Pesach refuse to come off. It makes this dress so unflattering!”
What’s wrong with this scenario?
Shmuel wants to give his wife a gift of his attention and admiration yet Sarah refuses the gift making her husband feel foolish in the process.
This vignette illustrates an essential concept in Torah marriages. We all aspire to become givers. Learning to give effectively in our relationships not only helps us to create the bond so essential to love (as Rav Dessler teaches in his “Essay on Loving-Kindness”) it also helps us fulfill our goal of emulating our Creator for there is no greater Giver than He.
However becoming a successful giver is only one side of the picture. In order for giving to be meaningful and impactful there needs to be a receiver. Let’s explore how accepting and receiving in marriage impacts the dynamic between husband and wife and contributes to our shalom bayis.
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