“I have seen firsthand how the definition of the term ‘top’ has grown warped over the years, especiallyamong girls”
The Double Take in last week’s Mishpacha struck a raw nerve demonstrating to readers with great clarity how far gone and confused we have become in this bitter galus. As a mother with children who have already completed their years of schooling as well as others who are still in elementary and high school, I have seen firsthand how the definition of the term “top” has grown warped over the years, especially among girls. The elitism that has insidiously crept into our educational systems has wreaked havoc on countless families and ripped away youthful idealism from many young hearts.
The fact is, a straight-A student who has constantly been fed praise for her inborn brain power rather than her middos and interpersonal skills, does not necessarily make a good wife, mother, or even colleague. A child who was lauded for her family’s wealth or yichus during her formative years often enters adulthood with a sense of entitlement that can be destructive down the road of life. The fact that so-called “plain” children become “defective” by dint of them not being “elite” in any way is far from Torah hashkafah.
Hashem created us as works in progress. We are supposed to try our best to reach higher levels during each stage of life. The elitism in our system which smacks of nothing less than gaavah itself is actually the antithesis of all the maamarei Chazal and mefarshim these so-called “top” students have been trained to parrot all these years. Malki, the protagonist in the story, did nothing so terrible as to stamp her with the mark of Cain and be locked out of seminary. She was a normal teenager struggling to grow and find herself as is normal for adolescents everywhere. Might I say that (gasp) she was human?
I daresay that in the quest to reach the coveted “top,” educators and institutions and in specific, seminaries, may have won the battle but lost the war. Yes, their graduates may spout flawless résumés that bring the hanhalah nothing but glory, but what about the core of these girls? Are they emotionally resilient, flexible, kind, and nurturing? Now that they’ve left formal schooling and grades don’t matter anymore, are they truly ready to tackle the vicissitudes of life?
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