“Yes, she is a victim, but at this point she has victims of her own, and her story isn’t over until that is addressed”
Last week, Name Withheld kindly took the time and energy to respond to a letter of mine that was published a week before. Inadvertently, she proved my point at the same time.
She shared how she went to Rav Wolfson ztz”l to ask about her husband’s ruchniyus, and he told her that his spirituality was not her department. She then added that this was not what she had learned in high school.
In my original letter, I clearly wrote, “Granted there may be times when a rav will advise a wife to give her husband some space and ignore some things. But that is a specific circumstance under appropriate guidance, not a general policy.” Her response underscores what I was trying to say; in her case, the rav gave her guidance that wasn’t typical for general guidance, which is what she learned in high school.
That being said, I do think my letter was misinterpreted to refer to a husband who doesn’t daven or learn “enough.” What I intended to discuss was a husband who does not learn at all or regularly skips davening. Those two things are basic mitzvos expected of every man.
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