“I’ve heard from quite a few people that they'd rather sit by themselves than have to ask others if they can join a Shabbos or Yom Tov meal”
In a recent Inbox letter responding to the discussion about the responsibility people have toward their financially struggling relatives, the writer asks: How is your relative supposed to know that you’re an ani who deserves tzedakah unless you ask?
It’s a great question. Here’s how you know that tzedakah funds may be appropriate (or if you can’t afford more tzedakah, at the least, sensitivity and understanding that the other person is struggling in ways you aren’t): When you come to this person’s house for family events and see the threadbare couches, chipped paint, and various repairs that have been pushed off due to the expense; when you see this person’s children wearing clothing at family simchahs that are always from last year’s style, if not earlier; when you see your relatives on Shabbos and Yom Tov and the children are wearing the same clothing time in and time out; when your relatives stay home during every single school break and never go on any trips; and many more similar clues.
Being nosei b’ol im chaveiro means noticing the things around you, even when they’re not spelled out. If you open your eyes wide enough, you’ll see. If even in the hecticness of our frenetic lifestyles, you choose to think about the little details that make up the lives of those around you, you will begin to see others’ realities.
When you open your eyes, you can see who needs help, without subjecting people who are already working beyond their capacity to the indignity of needing to ask.
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