Chances are, if people are getting hurt or there is machlokes, most chumras don’t apply, but navigating this issue requiresdaas Torah
The Double Take story about the couple who didn’t want to expose their baby to Zoom despite their dying grandfather’s wish to see him struck a chord within me, because I’ve dealt with similar situations many times.
In the early years of our marriage, my husband had unwavering adherence to certain chumras and my family is a little more modern, so we ran into many issues. Unlike Chavi, who was totally on the same page as her husband with the Zoom usage, I often found myself caught in the middle. I wasn’t as dedicated to my husband’s chumras as he was, but because I was dedicated to our marriage, I often felt stuck.
My parents live in Israel, where there are many types of hechsherim, but at one point my husband decided he only wanted to eat one hechsher and nothing else. My parents were offended and not accommodating. I think I was the one who suffered most from all the machlokes and back and forth, and I couldn’t find a rav my husband respected who could advise us properly. It was a mess.
Here are some things I learned as the person caught in the middle:
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