Inner Royalty

In an earlier column we explored a woman’s need to seek wholeness within herself and nurture connection to Hashem to be able to nurture a relationship with her spouse even in times of challenge. Here we’ll start to explore the definition of that place of inner wholeness so we can each find our individual path to shleimus.

Seven times a kallah encircles her chassan taking the most important steps in her life. This Ashkenazic minhag is rooted in the verse “nekeivah t’sovev gaver — the woman will encircle the man” (Yirmiyahu 31:21). The symbolism of these steps is meant to stay with a woman throughout her married life. They give definition to her role and delineate the territory that is hers to acquire much as Avraham did when he walked the length and breadth of Eretz Canaan indicating the boundaries of the land that would be his descendants’ inheritance. These steps signify the woman’s ability to create chomah a wall that defines protects and gives shape to the inner space that is her home. As the Talmud states: A man who has no wife remains without chomah. (Yevamos 62b)

A Wall or a Door?

In Shir HaShirim (8:8–9) Shlomo HaMelech speaks metaphorically of the little sister who has not yet physically developed. “What shall we do for our sister on the day that she is spoken for?” The verse continues “If she is a wall [chomah] we will build upon her a tower of silver and if she is a door [deles] we will enclose her with cedar panels [erez].”

The Midrash states that this pasuk is referring to Avraham Avinu who began his journey undeveloped not yet rich in Torah and mitzvos. Hashem tested him to see whether he would be a chomah a wall strong and steadfast or a deles a door swinging on its hinges. If Avraham could withstand the challenges presented to him then he would be the wall upon which the tower of silver the precious Jewish Nation could be built. If though he wavered like a door swinging on its hinges all that could be built would be anerez a wood plank that has no support and can only stand temporarily. Avraham was chomah and he passed down to us his descendants the ability to withstand challenges both personal and national.