The key to balancing two obligations is to want them both
Prepared for print by Rabbi Eran Feintuch
In today’s demanding world, you have to be an expert juggler. We have so many commitments and obligations — family, work, Torah study, tefillah. It’s not easy to keep all those balls in the air. Real-life juggling isn’t about finesse. It takes time management, planning, and, most of all, careful thought, to faithfully fulfill all our obligations.
A juggler doesn’t want to drop even one ball. They’re all equally important to him. All our obligations have to be important to us, because each one is a personal mission from Hashem. But often, without realizing it, we tend to focus our energies on those we find most fulfilling. If we catch ourselves playing favorites with our obligations, we’ve lost our sense of duty. As Hashem’s jugglers, we have to do our best to keep all the balls He gives us in the air, not just the ones we personally prefer.
But sometimes, two obligations pull us in different directions, and it’s impossible to do both in the ideal way. We need to make some tough calls. If my wife isn’t feeling well, should I stay with the kids so she can rest, even if I’ll miss tefillah b’tzibbur? Should I finish my work assignments on time, or keep up with my learning plan? Should I help my husband with an especially long list of errands, or make my weekly visit to my mother? It takes careful consideration to determine which obligation must take precedence, and whether there’s a way to avoid neglecting the other one altogether.
When we can only attend to one obligation, we can’t just choose the one we personally prefer. We have to do our best to figure out what Hashem wants from us in our current situation. But how do we know if our decision is really based on objective judgment, or on the bias of our own will?
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