Line of Support

Elisheva Feld* got married last Chanukah at age 25. In high school, she’d forged a strong relationship with a mentor who supported her through her dating years, and she kept in touch with a rav who taught her in seminary.

Therefore, in the early days of her marriage, Elisheva had a strong support network that included her mentor, rav, and kallah teacher. When issues arose, she knew exactly who to call.

Yael Gordon* had none of that. Marrying at 19, she had no one neutral or a trusted figure in her life other than her kallah teacher, whom she didn’t know well. Shortly into shanah rishonah, Yael had an intuitive feeling that there was something wrong in her marriage, but she couldn’t identify the problem. Growing up with sisters and only one ten-year-old brother, she couldn’t figure out what constituted normal male behavior.

“Everything was strange at first, so I had absolutely no feel for what was okay; I had nothing with which to compare my situation. Still,” she says, “I felt something wasn’t right.”