“My Husband Is Less Driven Than I Am”

When we got married five years ago, my husband and I were both working full-time. We now have two kids, and between child care and car pools, something has had to give. My husband cut his hours and has assumed these responsibilities.

While I appreciate that his taking over at home allows me to remain committed to my job (which I love), I resent the fact that he isn’t as driven as I am career-wise. We rely on both incomes, but I’m concerned that if we keep going in this direction, I’m giving up time with my kids and the opportunity for him to progress in his career. Any advice?

ON the surface, this seems to be a reasonable question about careers, marriage, and traditional gender roles and expectations.

That kind of question begs an answer that delves into the Torah views on this topic, the history of Jewish women in the workforce, and the current cultural norms that are influencing your question.

But I don’t think that’s what you want to know. I think your real question can be clarified by separating the two completely different issues you’ve woven together in your mind. One question is actually about your conflicting roles as a mother and an employee. Another question is about your relationship with your husband.

Let’s divide the two concerns. The first would read as such: “I have two kids that I love and a full-time job that I enjoy very much. I’m conflicted because I don’t want to give up the chance to spend time with my children, but I also don’t want to give up my job.”