Nobody’s Perfect

W
hen I recently saw the following quote, “Parenting was so much easier when I raised my non-existent children hypothetically,” I could identify, not just because I am a parent who is raising actual humans, but because it speaks to the very essence of a struggle I’ve had since I can remember: navigating the tension between the ideal and the real.

I’ve always been an idealistic person. Many of my life decisions have been motivated by my drive to do things as they should be done or make things as they should be. When idealistic people are younger and less mature though, and things are defined as black and white, wrong or right, recognizing that something is not as it should be can be impossible to reconcile.

Yet as we get older, the recognition that how things are might be far from how they are meant to be can create exciting opportunities for growth and improvement. We also come to realize that not everything can be improved or changed. With the gift of maturity, we learn to accept.

The tension between the ideal and reality seems to come with the territory of being a religious Jew. Every waking minute is filled with the expectations of the ideal: the ideal way to get dressed and be dressed, to daven, to make a brachah, to bentsh, to earn a living, to learn Torah, to treat other Jews, to be a spouse, to raise children. The discrepancy between the ideal way to go about the requirements of life and how things actually turn out may prove to be overwhelming at times. We can react by striving for more, learning how to improve, and taking concrete actions to do better. Or we can simply give up, as the pressure is too great.