Is there an antidote for the embarrassment we feel klopping al cheit on the same sins as last year even as we entertain more than a suspicion that we will be doing so again next year as well? Paying attention to those around us who have made dramatic changes is one eitzah. Whether a formerly off-the-derech kid who’se Shemoneh Esrai now attests to an intense relationship with Hashem or a neighbor who managed to stop smoking they prove that change is possible.
The deepest changes – like gaining control of one’s temper or being overly judgmental of others — never happen quickly and may only be evident to one’s closest friends and family. But we can learn some basic rules that apply to all successful efforts to change even from some more mundane successes such as losing weight and keeping it off.
First one has to know where one is holding. Someone once noticed Reb Noach Weinberg making a small notation every time he smoked a cigarette. Reb Noach explained that to defeat the yetzer hara one must first know the score. Similarly uncovering the patterns of one’s eating or facing the amount of time we waste daily checking our Blackberry every thirty seconds is the first step to gaining control in those areas.
Once those patterns are known it is possible to start developing a counterinsurgency strategy against the yetzer hara – a concrete plan for restructuring one’s life. General resolutions to do better are useless. Specific rules — the clearer the better — are required. They should be few in number; the important point is reestablishing a sense of control and breaking the feeling of helplessness whether with respect to the lure of chocolate bars or the need to constantly check one’s emails.
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