Overthinking 

…how do I know for sure he’s the one?
…what if I’ve made a mistake?
…what if he ever finds out who I really am?
…who am I really? How do I know for sure who I really am?

These were the thoughts going through my mind as I became engaged. I told no one; I knew there was something wrong with me, although I didn’t know exactly what it was, and I was terrified that my chassan might find out.

…I don’t buy into half the things frum people do. I think the school system is messed up. I think the shidduch system is messed up. Maybe I’m not really frum at all. How can I know for sure that I’m frum?

Maybe that was the truth. I was marrying a nice frum boy, but I wasn’t really frum. Of course, the men in my family learn, I’ve been to Bais Yaakov, and I keep all the mitzvos as carefully as I can — but what if I wasn’t really frum? How could I really know?